Friday, November 23, 2012

Back in Black

 I'm dreaming of a black friday
When I can show off what I bought
where the deals shine
and shoppers whine
'bout parking...way across the lot

I'm dreaming of black Friday
with every credit card I swipe
may your bags be heavy, not light
and may all your purchases fit right.

Tis' the season. And I mean seasoning on apple pie. The holly is hung by the chimney with care, the radio station is playing twelve different renditions of "the twelve days of Christmas," and college students are raiding the D.I. for ugly Christmas sweaters.

Of course, to start the season off right, you must first get through black Friday successfully.

You're probably wondering......actually you're probably not wondering but I'm going to tell you anyway, what I think about black Friday starting on Thursday this year.


I'm going to go ahead and pretend like it started today because for me, it did.

Now, my parents did a first-rate job at protecting me from the world of black Friday. I must admit that I didn't know such a thing existed until about 2 years ago. This was probably in an effort to avoid 1:00 A.M. doorbusters with an enthusiastic shopper-daughter. Well played mom and dad.

But I have since realized that the early early morning is not the time to go anyway. Which brings us to our Black Friday tips.

1. Don't go for those "early bird specials." (unless, of course, you want electronics. In that case, you might as well spend thanksgiving camped out, honey.)---Go at a time when most of the crazies have come, raided, and left with a few "disturbing the peace" tickets. This means about 3:00 P.M.

YOU: what??? most of the goods will be gone by then

ME: Stores plan pretty well for Black Friday. I'm talking major stocking up. they have enough clothes to replace them regularly and By 3:00 the crazies have been escorted off the premises, the teenagers who stayed up all night are taking naps, and the 3-year old needs lunch, removing stroller-mom from the scene.

3:00 is prime time, my friends.

2. The mall. The mall is your best friend today, I promise. Too many other people try to go to individual stores. If the store doesn't have what they came for, they feel like they can't leave without buying something because it will feel like they wasted a lot of time to go to that specific store (which it did.)  =  fewer things for you at said store  =  mall is best option.  

3. Let's try to avoid participating in this



let's try to show a little decorum, people.

4. avoiding the cart people.

you know the ones.

the ones who look like this
with their big pleading eyes. And you start to think that maybe you DO need poor quality, neon green hair extensions.

STOP! do not get sucked in to the 500 lotion/phone case/ decorative candy carts at the mall! you need to walk straight ahead, eyes forward, with a sense of purpose. these mall cart merchants can smell hesitancy.

5. gift cards.
Hit the places where you have gift cards first, because, hey. You have to spend money there anyway, right? It's also an opportune time to break out those gift cards with 60 cents left on them. You just have to ask if you can buy something with the money on the card, and then pay the rest with cash.

Today is the day to do it because there is no way the cashier will ever remember you after seeing an army of well-dressed shoppers coming in all day, and s/he won't have the energy left to give you the stink eye.

6. listen to Christmas music whenever possible. It helps curb the anger toward people who can't decide if they're a size 2,4,6,8,10, or 12, and therefore feel the need to take the whole pile to the dressing room.

Yes, my friends, the unofficial holiday celebrating violence, selfishness, and buying for yourself when you promised to buy for others.

but if you're going to do it, do it right. 

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Hey baby, lets cuddle.

Love is difficult thing.

Poets try to capture it in stanzas, directors in the course of a two hour movie, and writers fill volumes with definitions of love and what it encompasses. I have recently found myself learning the ways of true love, and am about to add my contribution to the artistic society, by trying to capture it in one little blog post. Nay, a single question. 

Would you be upset if the one you loved peed on you at 2 in the morning? 

If the answer is yes, it's not true love. 

also, spit up, dirty diapers, and screaming fall into this category. 

Who do I love that frequently spits milk and formula on my cute sweaters? someone very special indeed. two someones in fact. 

that's right, my baby nephews John-John and Brig. 

wait, wait, wait. I know what you're thinking. That I have finally joined the realms of true blogging, which is to say----> women with too much time on their hands bragging about their families. 

EX: Mark just did the cutest thing today. he said "Gala!" It was so cute! usually he just says "ga" and occasionally, its "lala" but he just expanded his vocabulary! I think it means mama, but Jace insists it's dada. We'll see. I'll update you tomorrow on any changes on "gala." It won't be long before it's "laga" or even "mama!" 

yeah. don't worry about that.  I may be baby-love struck, but I promise that my blog will stay collegically sane.  No promises about when I have my own babe, but that won't be for quite a while. 

So basically my nephews are my little cuddle bugs, which is rare because....well.......I'd say that I could count the number of boys I've ever cuddled with on one hand, but that would imply that there had been at least one. Not really sure how to feel about that whole situation. Must research farther. 

O.k. I'm a little bit tempted to go on for 897520 pages about how cute B and the J-man are, but you can see for yourselves. 



Babies babies babies babies

los chicos conmigo 

Enough said. 

On an unrelated topic, I have a new temptation. At the Tanner building cafe, there is a sign above the cash register that says "we accept all forms of payment." I am incredibly tempted to try and barter with something crazy like hair elastics. I find a million hair elastics on the ground at the BYU, and I'm sure that if I started picking them up, I would have more than enough to buy a turkey bacon club with no mayo. 

Regardless of the explicit sign however, I'm 80% sure that they would just laugh nervously and clarify that it has to be a type of standardized money. Of course, I would just return with spanish pesos. If they specified American money then I would have to resort to using 930 pennies and so on. I guess weeks and weeks of tests/papers/quizzes has turned me into a little bit of a rebel. 

But hey, I like to live on the wild side, baby. 

Sunday, November 4, 2012

Why didn't the chicken cross the road?

come here.

a little closer.

a liiiiiiiiiiiiiittle closer.


I am about to tell you the secret that all college bachelors secretly wonder about. how to slyly cuddle with a girl.

Rewind to Saturday afternoon. Day date.

Things you will need in order to slyly cuddle with a girl.

1. one Subaru

2. Four people besides you and your date

3. a date

4. optional: two chickens.

Plan of attack: carpool in the Subaru with the aforementioned friends. this will make a total of 6 people. Note: if you want to be the cuddler, do not drive, otherwise you and your date will occupy the front two seats. Next move: get in as the last couple, thus ensuring that the seat is helplessly squished, and that you need to put your arm around your date to "make more room." or "be more comfortable" or something to that effect. Note: The chickens are important in this plan, because with them occupying the rear of the car, there is no talk of "well someone can sit in the back to make more room...." Finally: drive for a loooooooong time up a beautiful autumn canyon, ensuring significant cuddalige.

yes. this is a true story. Yes. there were chickens. two live chickens and two dead ones (rotisserie style)

inevitable question: Why were there two live chickens on this date?

Because we wanted to make the chickens cross the road of course!

we named them HENrietta and Alexis (not really sure where Alexis came from), and they were quite the life of the picnic. Once we got up to the scenic bench/outlook area, we took the chickens out of their box, and my date, who apparently knows how to tie a noose knot (he assures me that it was for boys scouts) knotted a makeshift leash around their feet.

The rest of the date was really fun, but unfortunately, and for future reference, Chickens will NOT cross the road. even if it's completely void of cars. They don't really like to be leashed-about, and will therefore likely poop on you if you try to lead them (luckily that wasn't my date.) Also, chickens will not hesitate to be cannibals if you accidentally drop some rotisserie style meat on the ground.

All in all, it was a very fun/unique date. My first official date with an RM,and I didn't even hyperventilate.

toward the end of the date, all of the guys were trying to figure out what to do with Henrietta and Alexis. There was talk of a mysterious farmer uncle, a animal activist mother, and the good ole' wild. Luckily the girls were dropped off before the final plans were made, I was going to follow up and ask what happened to our dear hen-ish friends, but I was too chicken.