Sunday, January 27, 2013

The seven habits of highly Hope-ful people.

You may or may not have been to your public library lately. If you have, you may or may not have been to the self-help section. While there, you may or may not have come across a very famous book entitled

No, no, no I know what you're thinking. Don't worry, I'm not going to motivate you. I'm going to let you sit right there and stare blankly at the computer screen, barely taking in anything I'm saying, wondering what's for dinner tomorrow. (what IS for dinner tomorrow?)

The reason I bring this up is because I would like to share with you the Seven Habits of Highly Hope-ful People.

Please do not confuse this with "the Seven Habits of Highly hopeful People." The two are very different. The habits listed below will probably not make you any more hopeful than you already are. they WILL however, make you more like Hope, because they are the weird habits I can't seem to kick.

If you would like to be more Hope-ful, follow these simple habits.

1. Go to bed at 11:00. If you can't fall asleep until 3:00, sneak downstairs into the music practice room and do 100 jumping jacks. Then jump all the way up the stairs. If you're not tired now, repeat at 4:30
(picture just in case you don't know how to do a jumping jack....) 

2.Whenever you're in the almost-always-empty-stairway, belt out all the lyrics you can remember from Les Miserables. try to make showstopping renditions of "I dreamed a dream" and "on my own.".......I haven't really figured out if people can hear me yet, but if they can, I hope they're getting a great ab workout from laughing

3. don't throw anything away. ever. you never know when you might need that pair of flowery shoelaces that you haven't worn for 4 years. And that piece of ribbon used to tie your birthday present from the guy you liked freshman year is part of a great memory! get the point. It's getting pretty bad, I'm starting to feel sentimental toward my gum wrappers. So if you want to become more hopeful, we can all be on the next edition of "hoarders" together.

4. find a song/band/album that you really love and listen to them nonstop until you hate them. here's a little starter kit for you (my current favorite song)

repeat 847 times.

5. talk to yourself while you're walking to class. Don't be turned off by the weird looks you get from normal people who aren't nearly a Hope-ful as you.
TIP: when you're not talking to yourself, narrate the conversation in your head with exaggerated facial expressions. then laugh out loud when you realize what you're doing.....seriously, I do this ALL the time

6. When someone upsets you, write 7 limericks to them. by that time, it just seems funny because you realize you have to rhyme "scummy" with "tummy."
my morning was 'specially scummy
cause I was cut off by a dummy
and as I drove off
well I tried not to scoff
at his big purple alien tummy.

doesn't that just put a little spring in your step?

7. Eat ice cream whenever possible. even in the cold. in the snow. at night. when you feel like you're living in an igloo located in the middle of a frozen arctic's always a good time for ice cream.

*please consult with your physician before attempting any of the aforementioned ideas as they can cause loss of friends, decreased hearing, insomnia, obesity, tone-deafness, and or solitude.   

Monday, January 14, 2013

class. security.

Have you ever found yourself muttering   "I wonder where that is.........i could have sworn..........just a second ago........?"

have you ever found yourself muttering that about a CLASS? I have.

How do you misplace an entire class, you ask? Well now, I don't know. the class seems to have misplaced me.

Clarification: I am #1 on the wait-list for my Civilization 2 class. This means that I can probably get into the class (via add-code), but as I am not technically in it yet, I don't receive updates or emails by the teacher. This makes things very difficult when a certain professor apparently has room-consistency anxiety.

 It all started out like this.

(aforementioned class is held on Monday, Wednesday, Friday)

I was like number 6 on the wait list, and debating adding a different class, so I didn't attend this one. Big mistake.

I went to the room designated by the online syllabus and (drum-roll if you will) one was there. Unless of course, the entire class dropped......including the teacher.

I emailed the teacher and told her what happened. she then informed me that we had a room change (which would have been helpful to know, but until I'm in the class, I won't get her emails)

TODAY: (Monday again) I went to the aforementioned changed classroom and (secondary drum-roll)  No one was there. again.

I'm beginning to think that "civilization two" is a code name for the espionage course, and as part of the curriculum  we have to
1. find out that we're in fact enrolled in  "how to spy 101"
2. find the relocated meeting place every class time
3. bribe/threaten/worm our ways off the wait list and into the actual course (for negotiating practice) and
4. tag our teacher with a tracker so that we know her exact whereabouts at all times.

Sounds like a fun class, but I don't know if it's worth the 3 measly credits it offers.

On a completely unrelated, and much less frustrating note----

So since I couldn't find my class, I went to the library (what else are you supposed to do at 9:00 A.M?) and saw, to my surprise, that there were 6 "Caution, Wet Floor signs" decorating the beloved tile floorway.

This wouldn't have caught my attention except that the floors were completely dry. As i had about 2 hours to kill, I proceeded to one of the two security guards to inquire about the strange occurrence  I waited patiently while he talked on his phone, but instead of finishing his conversation, he just held his hand over the receiver and said "can I help you?" Thinking it was a bit rude to whoever he was on the phone with (since he didn't say "i have someone here, can I put you on hold?" or anything like that) I said "so these wet floor signs---"
"------the ceiling doesn't leak" he interrupted.


o.....k......  "Oh i assumed as much, I was just wondering why they are here if the floor isn't wet." He shrugged. " Oh I think it's just in case." In case of what I never found out. for at that point I saw the security guard, about 50 feet away holding his hand on the receiver of HIS phone, looking expectantly at the guard I was talking to.

"are you........" I looked back and forth "talking to each other?" my security guard smiled "yes."
"Oh. are you just bored?"
 "no" his face turned serious "there was a serious incident this morning." I looked between them one last time and proceeded promptly out the door.

All i can say is that between my espionage class, two security guards calling each other on the phone from 50 feet away, and the mysteriously unwarranted "Wet Floor Signs" there has been a lot of secrecy going on in these parts...........

And that anyone who was involved in the "serious incident" at the library this morning deserves to get away with whatever it was, due to the sheer time he or she would have woken up to do so.

That's what I call a quality hoodlum.