Thursday, August 30, 2012

ohhhhhhhhhhh baby

So, as a freshman, I'm still in a state of culture shock in this new land I know only as "college." For instance, I walked into my child development class yesterday (la dee da) and lo and behold there is a lady with a baby on the back row.

double take.

lady. baby. back row.


this is NOT what I am used to. No longer is the appropriate response to a baby in class "Oh gee that's too bad" now it's a hearty, if confused "Congratulations. what a beautiful baby!"  Gah! I have to learn a new language that I don't even get university credits for. BYU-ish 101.

The whole time I was thinking to her 'you know, you can probably skip like the first week of class because it's all about prenatal development, and you're baby looks pretty, well..........natal.'  
Maybe the professor will have her be a guest speaker about the miracle of childbirth.

Yes, my friends. I have entered a world of binkies, pull-ups, and smelling spit up in the middle of English. It's a little bit scary, it's a little bit weird, but it's a little bit awesome to know that you're at least getting more out of the lectures than SOMEONE in the classroom.

there's a newborn in my SFL class that hasn't taken notes once!

Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Meanwhile, back at the ranch (dressing station of the meal center)

Let's chat.

I will grant you three----no no, not wishes, questions.

Rules: They cannot be "What's your name? Where are you from?" or "What's your major?" Because in the tradition of thousands of college students who have gone before me, I have had to answers these questions about 8475937 times in the past week. but that's just a ballpark figure.

Oh yes, it's the time of year when every college student considers making a shirt with the answers to these three questions printed on the back, but as I said before, you are not to ask me these.

you may ask me my most embarassing moment, my biggest weakness, or my deepest darkest secret, but lightning strike you down if I hear the words "so what's your major?" one more time.

Now that that's out of the way- let's get down to business.

College is full of statuses. Your academic status, your social status, your wealth status, and, as I wait for someone to stop internet surfing so I can use the computers for homework, everyone's facebook status. 


I walk into the campus library media center to do some homework (my parents are teaching me "rescorcefulness" by not letting me have one) and half of the screens are sporting that familiar facebook layout. Not to be a grouch, but sometimes it can get a little frustrating when I'm waiting to do Honors English homework, and Facebook-Frannie is combing through her latest 78 facebook notifications. Honestly? what can you possibly doing on facebook for an hour? updating your status to "lol there is totally a girl who needs this computer right now, i think i'll stay here" ???

my current statuses are: tired, done with classes for today, single, nearly clean, passably organized, about to eat, socially deprived, ready for a nap, ready for more life. 

Saturday, August 25, 2012

Embarrassing moments of pre-college life

The embarrassing happenings of BYU freshman orientation days:

1. r(ED) face(ING)- I was trying to be friendly, so when I happened upon a guy waiting at the crosswalk, I decided to say hello. He was kind and told me his name, but I was really tired of asking everyone "What's your name....where are you from....what's your major....." so I decided to take whimsical little break and ask "What's the most interesting thing about yourself?" He looked at me seriously and said "the most interesting thing about myself is that i'm not interested." Now in my head I'm like Should I tell him that I wasn't trying to make a move, I was just trying to be friendly? Could I just start walking faster? The library is still pretty far away but maybe i could make a run for it.... I wasn't trying to flirt...... ---------What he actually said was "The most interesting thing about me is that i'm not interestING" but I had misheard. the awkward silence that followed as he worked out the miscommunication was humiliating. Talk about a red-face moment for both of us. So let this be a lesson to, well--me, to learn the difference between a weird guy and a normal one.....and most importantly between ED and ING.

2. Shower Power- In Helaman halls (where I live), boys aren't allowed in the girls' buildings unless it's Wed/Sunday from 7-9, in the lobby, they're helping her move in, or a special occasion approved by the RA. (Therefore, it is inhabited exclusively by girls on normal days.) It was a normal Tuesday in the middle of the day when I decided to take a quick shower. The hall was a-buzz with girls moving into their dorms and I just wanted to take a quick little break from the madness. I showered and such (la-dee-da), wrapped up in a towel, and went into the hall to get to my room. I FORGOT that since girls were moving in, boys were allowed to help them do so and were in the hall!!!!!! hall. boys. me in a towel. You finish the story. let's just say it will NOT happen again.

3. Oh, you have a little something in your mouth....oh it's just your foot. I don't even want to tell this one because there is no excuse for it. It wasn't a miscommunication or forgetful or anything it was just a little bit of Hope being Hope (which is to not think before you speak.) So I was meeting a bunch of new people and such at the socials and everything, and one of them (I think his name is Conner) introduced himself to me. Obviously, his name didn't make too much of an impression on me because he looks exactly like Spock. you know, from star trek? (the movie) so later in the conversation, I was addressing him and totally called him Spock. Needless to say, we might not be best friends anytime soon.

4. Real conversation- This isn't embarrassing, just a funny conversation i happened to overhear at the BYU library. keep in mind that this content is REAL.

Actual conversation:

Boy 1: So dude, are you dating anyone these days?
Boy 2: naw man, are you?
Boy1 1: no,but  there are so many pretty girls here! they're everywhere!
Boy2: dude, my roommate says he's getting a sore neck from turning to look at all of them.

like I said. Real conversation.

5. the generic awkwardness that is inevitable. Since everyone here is meeting everyone else, and there is no telling who you will see again, or if the right one was Brett and the left one was David or the Right one was David and the left one was Brett, everyone is going around apologizing for not remembering people they previously met. I am at a slight disadvantage here because I have a very unique name, which seems easier for people to remember. I, on the other hand am just trying to keep track of the 12 Emilys and the 24 Rachels. It is not uncommon for me to spend a half hour talking to someone and at the end of the conversation think their name was complacently different. name name go away, com again another day. one fish, two fish, don't-know-you fish.

Oh gosh I can't help but wonder if this is what College is going to be like. Just one big expanded high school of embarrassing moments. This week has just been the preliminary round, I can't even think of the catastrophically embarrassing moments that are to come. A college education and humility all of the low low price of very expensive! can't wait to start!

Saturday, August 11, 2012


Beginnings. Endings. Inbetweenings. 

At the Thomas household, life is full of major changes.

Change Numbero Uno: Another generation has been added to the family. The first nefews/grandchildren were born, and along with that--a new grandmother, a new grandpa, two new aunts, a new mommy, a new daddy, and a new uncle were consequently thrust into their aforementioned roles. Double our luck, there are two of them! Twin boys! Not so luckily, they're both little bitty guys, and their struggle to hold onto life in the hospital brings us to change number two.

Change Number Two: My dear lovely grandma on my dad's side is exiting this world just as the twins are coming in. Her weakened condition from lack of nutrition create parallels to the new twins that I never realized before. They all rely completely on the assistance and goodness of others to stay alive. None are thinking about the latest tweet or what they're going to wear tomorrow. One is reflecting on memories, and anxious to see ones she has loved, while the other two are blissfully innocent, and are about to start creating relationships and memories like the ones my grandma so dearly misses.

Change Number Tres: I am going to college. I don't even want to think about it because it's going to be such a strange and permanent transition. It's not like I'll never come home again or stay close to my family, but it is the last remaining flicker of childhood being extinguished. I will probably never again wrestle my dad or go to a sibling's twinkle twinkle recital, or set the table for six. this is an irreversable and inevitable change that i can do nothing about.

Life is fragile. 

This time, this week, this year, my family represents all stages of life and we are all transitioning to the next. It's like the planets all lined up and we get to catch a glimpse of moving forward in something bigger than ourselves. I have the privlage of looking back with my new baby nefews, and looking forward with my wonderful grandmother. This carefully planned progression of stages allows me insight to reflect on what I have done with my llife, and plan to do so much more. becasue in the beggining, we were all as innocent as my little baby nefews, and in the end, we're all going to be fading on our beds, barely strong enough to breathe.

it's what you do in the middle that counts.

Monday, August 6, 2012

No tenure in ten years

O.K. so I found this funny little blurb that I wrote when I was really frustrated with lovey-dovey couples being all.....well, lovey-dovey. heat up a hot pocket and enjoy!

Ten years from now.
I am sitting in my house alone.
The room smells so bad that the S.W.A.T. team has to come in routinely to make sure there isn't a dead body hidden somewhere.
 there isn't a dead body.
just dead hopes and dreams, with some crusty tears decomposing in my eye sockets. 

I would be the crazy cat lady, except even cats don't like me.
 my apartment would be covered in mold, except that even mold finds this place uninhabitable.
 it reeks of sadness and broken hopes.

 thank goodness for the dust! flakes of dead skin keeping me company in my filthy abode.
They watch with me as I stare out the window at young couples holding hands-----electricity surging between them.
my only electricity comes from the microwave.

 I heat up another hotpocket.

 It comes with two, but I have no one to share with. The other sits freezerburned for the next few months.
 I can't stand to look at it, because then I remember why it's there, and whose it should be.
 I avoid the freezer for the next little while because all the discarded hot pockets remind me that I'm eating alone.
Apparently my brain is so out of practice that I don't think to eat the other hot pocket for the next meal.

don't be too concerned, just come in once in a while and run a vacuum over me. I'll be fine.