Sunday, November 4, 2012

Why didn't the chicken cross the road?

come here.

a little closer.

a liiiiiiiiiiiiiittle closer.


I am about to tell you the secret that all college bachelors secretly wonder about. how to slyly cuddle with a girl.

Rewind to Saturday afternoon. Day date.

Things you will need in order to slyly cuddle with a girl.

1. one Subaru

2. Four people besides you and your date

3. a date

4. optional: two chickens.

Plan of attack: carpool in the Subaru with the aforementioned friends. this will make a total of 6 people. Note: if you want to be the cuddler, do not drive, otherwise you and your date will occupy the front two seats. Next move: get in as the last couple, thus ensuring that the seat is helplessly squished, and that you need to put your arm around your date to "make more room." or "be more comfortable" or something to that effect. Note: The chickens are important in this plan, because with them occupying the rear of the car, there is no talk of "well someone can sit in the back to make more room...." Finally: drive for a loooooooong time up a beautiful autumn canyon, ensuring significant cuddalige.

yes. this is a true story. Yes. there were chickens. two live chickens and two dead ones (rotisserie style)

inevitable question: Why were there two live chickens on this date?

Because we wanted to make the chickens cross the road of course!

we named them HENrietta and Alexis (not really sure where Alexis came from), and they were quite the life of the picnic. Once we got up to the scenic bench/outlook area, we took the chickens out of their box, and my date, who apparently knows how to tie a noose knot (he assures me that it was for boys scouts) knotted a makeshift leash around their feet.

The rest of the date was really fun, but unfortunately, and for future reference, Chickens will NOT cross the road. even if it's completely void of cars. They don't really like to be leashed-about, and will therefore likely poop on you if you try to lead them (luckily that wasn't my date.) Also, chickens will not hesitate to be cannibals if you accidentally drop some rotisserie style meat on the ground.

All in all, it was a very fun/unique date. My first official date with an RM,and I didn't even hyperventilate.

toward the end of the date, all of the guys were trying to figure out what to do with Henrietta and Alexis. There was talk of a mysterious farmer uncle, a animal activist mother, and the good ole' wild. Luckily the girls were dropped off before the final plans were made, I was going to follow up and ask what happened to our dear hen-ish friends, but I was too chicken.


1 comment:

  1. Impossible for anyone to call "fowl" on this brilliant post Hopie! I laughed with tears streaming down my face; so did Liz, Paul and dad but they were also laughing at me! My former puppy, "Bambi" went to a mysterious farm, that coupled with my abundance of sleep threw me into hysteria! Such a funny date made even better in the re-telling. PS How do innocent little freshwomen chicks come to meet RM's? Don't they have to use different sidewalks for safety? xoxox