Monday, August 22, 2011

in---vest---ing in safety

If you have ever stayed up late wondering "What in the World does Hope do at 11:00 At Night?" look no further.

Apparently, at precisely eleven, i can be found riding my flat tire-ed beach cruiser up a hill, while wearing a tragically hideous reflector vest.

that's right. i said re-flec-tor vest.

how did this come to be? i'm glad you asked. the power of the parent, my friends, the power of the parent.

the power of the parent is this: they can ask their children to do outrageously unnecessary and often humiliating things all in the name of "safety"

ahhhhhh the big "Safety" claim. believe it or not- two tear olds have been put on leashes, families have worn matching SPAM shirts, and bicycles have been adorned with bright red flags, all in the name of "safety." sometimes i think that parents do things "for our benefit" when they just really need a good laugh. i mean, a reflector vest for a teenager? this was their argument.

Me: i'm going on a bike ride
Dad: not at 11:00, you're not.
Me: we live in the safest neighborhood, and no one even drives at night!
Mom: ok you can go......IF

IF is the most dangerous word to escape a mothers lips. whenever you hear it......brace yourself

Mom:IF you wear a reflector vest

At this point in the story, the words "reflector vest" seemed to be formed in slow motion as the camera zoomed in on her mouth. reeee---fleeec----torrrr----veeeest. and the creepy Psycho music screeched in the background.
Me: No. way.

Dad: then you can't go on a bike ride
Me: fine. i'll wear it.

And that is how i ended up on this fantastical journey of humiliation thinking please don't know me, please don't know me at every car that came speeding toward me. but upon reflection (haha) i figure, all the boys wish their girlfriends were as safe as me.

safety is dang attractive.
even in a vomitrocious reflector vest made in the 80's.

i know you're jealous.

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